Or any of your lady parts.
Seriously.
I don't want to see them.
I do not show you my butt (or lady parts). Therefore, I do not want or need to see yours.
In the past week, I have seen a mom's entire ass as she bent down to kiss her preschooler goodbye.
Yesterday at the park, I saw another mother's entire ass and lady parts due to her exceeding short skirt and complete lack of undergarments.
A tip: If your lady parts, at any time in the day, come in contact with a chair, park bench, or car seat, your dress is TOO DAMN SHORT! Or, it may not actually be a dress, it may be a long blouse. Either way, purchase and WEAR some damn underwear! Your community thanks you and I thank you.
I know that I live in the land of the fashion victim. I completely get that part. I know that there are an abundance of women who are desperately attempting to hang on to their youth. Isn't that the whole idea behind Forever 21?
Call me old-fashioned, but once you are a mom, that ship has sailed, sweetheart. If you can't scrape poop, phlegm or food off the clothes, just go ahead and donate them. If you can't bend over and hug your child or pick up sand toys without giving the entire park a free Gyno exam, again,
just donate it.
You are a mom, for Pete's sake!
You aren't being trendy, or defying age, or sassy. You are just gross.
Stop frickin' dressing like a pole dancer.
Okay, I feel much better now, don't you?
I will put my soapbox away now.